life raft

A Child Is Loaned

2006-09-08T21:50:00.000+08:00

I'll lend you for a little time a child of mine', He said, 'For you to love the while he lives, and mourn for when he's dead.
He may be six or seven years, or even two or three,
(or in Miguel's case - 6 months and 24 days)

But will you, till I call him back, take care of him for me? He'll bring his charm to gladden you, and, should his stay be brief, You'll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return, But there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn.

I've looked the wide world over in my search for teachers trueAnd from the throng that crowd life's lanes I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love, nor think the labour's vain, Nor hate me when I come to call and take him back again?'

I fancied that I heard them say, 'Dear Lord, thy will be done, For all the joys thy child shall bring the risk of grief we'll run. We'll shelter him with tenderness, we'll love him while we mayAnd for the happiness we've known for ever grateful stay.

But, should the angels call for him much sooner than we'd plannedWe'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand.

Written by Edward A. Guest, published in the Fort Worth Star mid 1930s

Meet Jose Miguel

2006-05-17T23:23:00.000+08:00

Single Ventricle

2006-04-28T21:32:00.000+08:00

Miguel has a single ventricle heart. I am not a heart expert but from what I read in the internet... it means only half of his heart is functioning.

Miguel was supposed to undergo an operation when he was only four days old. Dr Regino thought his PDA or the duct needed for his oxygen flow will close. But the Lord heard our prayers.

Those were the longest four days of my life. I was numb yet I feel so much pain. I was still weak but I have so much strength.

What is Single Ventricle?
Single ventricle is one of the most complex and rare types of heart defects present at birth (congenital heart defect). It occurs whent the fetal heart does not develop normally in the first three months.

The fetal heart begins its development as a long tube. During the first trimester, the lower part of this tube normally divides into two pumping chambers: the left ventricle and the right ventricle. However, there are rare cases in which this normal separation does not occur, and the baby is born with one ventricle instead of two.

As a result of this defect, oxygen-rich blood and oxygen-poor blood mix together in the single ventricle instead of remaining separate. Some oxygen-rich blood needlessly travels back to the lungs, and some oxygen-poor blood uselessly travels to the rest of the oxygen-demanding body. Unless corrected, single ventricle often results in heart failure and death.

However, surgical correction is availabe. Most patients will undergo two surgeries to correct single ventricle: the Glenn and the Fontan. Together, these operations redirect oxygen–poor blood from the body straight to the lungs, bypassing the heart. In turn, the single ventricle is responsible for pumping freshly oxygenated blood to the body.

Things I learned when I gave birth

2006-04-26T23:09:00.000+08:00

No matter how many books I've read about pregnancy and delivery, no matter how many Moms told me about their experiences... I was still unprepared that morning of Jan 22.

I woke up at about 630am feeling wet. I thought it was just my unreliable bladder... the water kept on flowing... it was my water bag. Book said I should not panic... my body has enough water to replenish it ... at least until I get to the hospital. When i reached the hospital... it was like surrendering everything to the ER staff...the interns, nurses, resident doctors...

1. I learned that they will not bother even if I'm leaking. They even asked me to move from one room to another.

2. I learned that the intern, the nurse, the resident doctor and everyone else will ask your name and other details in different occasions all while you are contracting or while they are injecting antibiotics. (Gusto kong sabihin, pwedeng magkopyahan na lang kayo?)

3. I learned that giving birth is making public the most private... I dread hearing "Mam, ichecheck lang po kung ilang cm na kayo." Up to now, Im still wondering why I was asked when was my first sexual encounter.

4. I learned that painless delivery is not painless at all. There was one part when I felt so much pain but Im too sedated to shout.

5. I learned that few days after giving birth, I still look 6 months pregnant.

But despite the gory details, I would gladly do it all again.

Si CJ

2005-10-12T09:52:00.000+08:00

CJ, my nephew, asked me: "Iya, paano nagkababy sa loob ng tiyan mo?"
Tanong mo kay Mommy. He came back and told me, "Kasi raw may Tito Joel ka."
O sige, mamaya tanong mo naman sa Papa mo ha. And he said, "Wag na, hindi alam yun ng Papa ko."

Hehe. Akala mo lang yun.

What I Want

2005-10-12T09:42:00.000+08:00

My nephew went to the window and stepped his both feet on the ledge, I knew he will fall ... so I shouted as I reached out to him... only it was a dream because I woke up with my arms stretched, reaching for the window.

I felt a jolt inside - nagulat ang baby ko. I don't know how to appease my baby. I can only rub my tummy...kung kaya ko lang yakapin ang tiyan ko...

Sometimes I can't find a comfortable position. Every toss and turn, I will wake up thinking baka nahihirapan si baby sa position na ito or baka nahihilo na siya kakaikot ko. Add to that the fact that the baby is getting heavier each night. Dati parang may apple lang ako sa ibabaw ng tiyan ko, naging avocado, ngayon parang may nakapatong na Coke 500.

And my baby developed a new pattern. A week ago, baby would move at 6am then at 5pm then at 9pm-1130pm.... now baby moves at 3am, 11am and 6pm. But these movements are very reassuring for me because unlike some lucky preggies, I have bleeding problems.

I had bleeding on my 8th week of pregnancy, again on my 16th week and then again on my 21st week. And each time, I would cry. No matter how they tell me that my baby feels how I feel, that crying would worsen my situation... I couldnt help but cry.

My doctor said removing the polyp is the only solution but that would mean operation without anesthesia -- which could also give huge stress for me and baby. All I am praying is that the bleeding stops until I am ready to deliver my little one.

Yun lang ang iniisip ko. At work, I cant concentrate enough. I developed a fear of peeing... and of long walks. Im counting the days when my Doc will finally say, you're safe now.

Buti na lang, my parents are so supportive. "Kawawa naman ang anak ko, walang asawang mapaglalambingan... sige anak, anong gusto mong kainin?"

"Talaga Dad? Yey... gusto ko nang pochero, tulya, tahong, menudo, pakbet....tapos atis, lansones, banana q, turon, palabok.. cheesy fries ng jollibee....siopao, siomai soup...tsaka..... guapple....tsaka...."

Name

2005-07-31T14:16:00.000+08:00

I still don't know what to name my first baby.

I want it something simple.

Nope, I don't want any pacute-sy names like Twinkle. Paano kung matanda na siya, paano siya tatawagin ... Aling Twinkle? Or Kirby.... "Mang Kirby, yung sasakyan nyo po nakaharang.... Baka hindi seryosohin ng mga tao ang anak ko. :)

I want it modern. Yung talagang generation niya. Not Roberto, Juan, Rupert, Romulo, Theodore, Perfecto, Vicente, Donato, Manuel, Evangeline, Luciana, Barbara...
Ooops, Im not saying they are bad names but I want something else.

I want it to start with the letter J.
Jillian? Jarred?

Pwede ring hindi letter J.
Althea? Miguel?

Hay. Wala akong maisip.

I'm pregnant!

2005-07-19T00:00:00.000+08:00

Yes, honeymoon baby sya!

We really planned to have a baby agad. Before we got married, I found out I have polycystic ovaries. Meaning, I couldnt produce eggs. I took Clomid for 5 days. But we made sure we enjoyed the honeymoon. There was no pressure. Everything's spontaneous. It was a summer vacation we will never forget. No plans, no itineraries. If our calculations are right, the baby is not made in Palawan... we think it was the last hurrah in Superferry 1's stateroom!

This is the baby at 8 weeks!

But Joel had to leave for Papua New Guinea. It was an opportunity he cannot miss and I support him. It's very lonely but there's this baby to keep me sane. I'm just so happy being pregnant.

Wedding Hangover

2005-07-18T22:50:00.000+08:00

So much has happened to me in the past two months that I can't seem to find the right stories to start with. I wanted to recall what I felt the morning of May 15. As I can recall, I was so tired the day before but I slept late. Joel, I knew, was already snoring at 11pm in the next room. I was up before 4am. Am a little paranoid that Yari, the make-up artist, will not show up on time. A lot of GMA7 friends said Yari is a perennial latecomer but to my surprise, he was there at 430am! My photographer and friend Dennis Mariano and his team are all ready to start with the work. Everything became a blur... until 730am. I had to put on the wedding gown and the veil. At about 8am, I was leaving the room. I can't feel anything. All that I can do is smile. The bridal car parked at the entry of Paco Park. I can't erase the smile on my face as I saw some friends, all dressed up, enter the park. They all woke up extra early that Sunday for me!

When I stepped out of the car, fear gripped me. I felt like crying. I don't even know why. I think I'm just super happy because I walked so fast considering Im wearing very high heels (3 inches!). My aunt had to tell me, bagalan mo naman ang lakad mo!. When I entered the chapel together with my parents, I was so overwhelmed with the crowd. There were several faces smiling back at me. Nakakawala ng kaba.

When Joel took my hand, it felt like home. He's my new home.

Our Wedding!

2005-06-23T14:54:00.000+08:00

May 15, 2005
St. Pancratius Chapel, Paco Park

Sigurado na ba yan?

2005-05-18T03:34:00.000+08:00

Ilang beses din akong natanong ng maraming tao nang sabihin kong magpapakasal na ako.
Kaya pumapasok na rin yun sa isip ko. Sigurado na nga ba ako? Hindi kaya umoo lang ako kay Joel kasi nakakahiyang humindi? Kilala ko na nga ba siya? Matatagalan ko ba ang ugali ng taong ito?

To some, I told them one can never be sure of anything. One will have to take the risk -- whether tama ka or mali -- you have to take the consequences. ..... Hmm, di kaya I was in denial? Denial that maybe I should reconsider my answer to Joel.

Minsan naman, napapataas ang kilay ko. Ang lakas naman ng loob ng mga taong nagtatanong sa akin nito -- ano bang alam nila? Mahirap atang maging segurista no.

Kaya madalas noon, palaging kasama sa dasal ko na sana patnubayan ang mga magiging desisyon ko. Ilang buwan pa noon bago ang kasal. Sari-sari na ang iniisip ko.

Nawala na nga sa isip ko ang maghanap ng sagot sa tanong. Busy na rin naman ako sa ibang bagay.

Isang araw, tiningnan ko si Joel habang hinahanap ang kaparis ng tsinelas niya sa apartment namin. He looked at me and smiled. "Asan na kaya yun?" sabay yuko.
And I felt a thump in my heart. Yes, sigurado na ko.

Where we met

2005-04-21T14:56:00.000+08:00

I was in romblon that weekend to relax. Too early for summe. It was drizzling when we arrived in Odiongan. It was raining overnight, we learned. I guess me and my friends were blessed because the rain stopped that day and we were given a little sunshine.

There were no other visitors in Aglicay. It feels like we own the beach. So, for the first time I wore a tankini. Lakasan lang yan ng loob!

He was in Romblon to attend to some family maters. He was asked by the resort owners to help them in entertaining some guests.

It was March 21, 2004, at about 430pm. Me and my friends were on our way back to the dining area. He was there chatting with the owners.

We met.

The December - May affair

2005-04-09T08:08:00.000+08:00

Up to this day, Im still amazed as to how we were able to fastforward events in our lives.
Imagine, from the December 17 plan, we were abe to move it to May 15.
It's April 8 and we are doing okay with the preparations.

It's been a while since we last visited this site. I guess, we are a little busy in the preps.

Galing ni Fr Mariano no? Akala ko kung ano-ano ang mga tanong for us. Bitbit ko pa ang notebook ko!

now that I am in, what then?

2005-03-07T16:07:00.000+08:00

Hi dear!
What are we supposed to put into this? COnsidering that we have that "notebook" of ours, what is supposed to go into this?

Sige, time-out muna, pag-aralan ko muna ito...

Joel S.//

For Us

2005-03-04T13:09:00.000+08:00

An on-line version of our notebook.